What I hear a lot: Why didn’t you just ask?

There are many things that I hear a lot and some of them are said by the same people or only certain people say certain things. The one I am going to focus on is one I am sure you have heard.

Why didn’t you just ask?


This can be said in connection with our personal life:

-need a babysitter short notice

-need advice on how to deal with

your family

-need direction with a hobby so you do not lose your mind

This can be said in connection with projects around the house:

-cleaning the gutters

-pressure washing the siding

-help with a cleaning routine

-getting your yard under control

This can be said about big things:

– how to invest in something

-starting a personal retirement account

-changing jobs or recommending jobs

And this can also be about homeschooling:

-need help with anatomy because science isn’t your thing

-history is putting everyone to sleep, even you

– your child is fighting everything about anything English and you’ve hit a wall.

I have heard, “Why didn’t you just ask,” from my close friends, my family both near and far, by not so close friends, and even neighbors that I may not get to talk to often.

So what’s the point?

If you keep hearing the same thing from many people, both those you are close to and love as well as those you lightly know, it may be time to really consider it.

I personally have a tough time asking for help. The middle child with an older and younger brother, both with special needs, I am used to seeing things that need to be done and just getting them done.  It didn’t matter if I had to stay up later. It didn’t matter if I forgot to do things for myself. It didn’t matter if I ran myself ragged helping others and making home life go a little smoother. If something needed to be done, I figured out how and did it. On my own.

Somehow, along the way, I learned that asking for help was a bad thing. Was something to be embarrassed about. That it was proof that I wasn’t strong enough or good enough. Yeah, just a little self-psycho analysis there, lol. The point is, I do not ask for help.

For you, the reason may be different. You worry that if you ask for help, it is admitting you can’t take care of the home you bought and your family will see that. It is admitting you have no idea how to handle finances but you feel at your age you should have it down to an art. That it is admitting that you cant take care of your new baby, or all the kids you have been blessed with. That it is admitting you cannot homeschool your kids properly.

These are all fears and insecurities that get in our heads, make us doubt ourselves.

We need to recognize that no one is perfect and everyone needs help with somethings, even ourselves. There is nothing wrong with asking your retired teacher friend to be an outside editing voice to help with English. There is nothing wrong with setting up a day or two a month with your family member who is a nurse, either on Skype or in person, to go over anatomy. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are clueless when it comes to planning for your future and the future of your kids financially but you want to try. There is nothing wrong with asking for help with a house project that seems colossal to you. If you keep hearing, “I wish you would have just asked,” you may be overlooking something important.

This could help your kids grow.

It could help you grow.

It could help you get closer to those around you.

It could also bless the person who is helping you. Maybe they needed a purpose.

I understand how frustrating hearing, “Why didn’t you just ask” can be. I get frustrated too, but there is a bigger picture if it is said many times over, by many people. It is ok to accept help and it is certainly ok to ask for help.

Asking for and accepting help actually makes you stronger.


Greetings! My name is Joy and I am currently a stay at home mom who is homeschooling her three kids in South Carolina. I love learning and I love sharing the love of learning with others so getting to home school my kids and watch the “ah-ha” moments when they understand something is unbelievably rewarding. I have been homeschooling since my twins were preschool age so we are going on 8 years now. I am also a military spouse so we have the added joy of being a military family with some of the complications that come with it.  As a family, we stay busy with our scouting groups, American Heritage Girls and TrailLife, and we do many camping and hiking trips with them. When I have downtime, I am typically reading books I have sitting around the house, on YouTube/websites getting more information on different home school programs or working on plans for homeschool. I look forward to being able to share our experiences with everyone and help encourage all homeschooling families.